Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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