Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
