I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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