you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
