How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize