it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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