ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
