i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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