I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
