If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
