She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
