I wish life had little blips of pornography
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I lost the right to judge tonight
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
