The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
