I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
