worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
