I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
