There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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