hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize