so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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