Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
