I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
