Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
