Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
