She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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