her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
