Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
