This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize