Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
