I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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