Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
