I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Did I show you my penis last night?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm at about main and main street
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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