i don't like sucking hair
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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