Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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