o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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