So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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