I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
