Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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