He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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