he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
