would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
