Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Found the puke drawer
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
