so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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