We're facebook friends in real life
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
