Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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