hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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