i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
