Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
