speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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