onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I would fuck him just for his dog
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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