One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
