apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
