I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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