I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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