giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
