I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was confusing and full of hummus
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
