i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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