You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
