Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
