The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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