About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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