Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
