haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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