I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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