dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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