Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
