so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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