I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
