It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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