i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
