OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
