Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
