I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
