yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you didnt know i had herpes?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
