I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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