I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
