smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
40s are totally the cure
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dick very happy bro
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
