you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How naked do you want me to be?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
